Thursday, 19 March 2015
@ 22:38
comment?(0)
Assalamualaikum
I haven't turn off this laptop for like,
2 days now hahaha crazy crazy but anyway guys this will be quite a short post
because I just wanted this post to be like a reminder for myself. Because for
your information, my days lately have been rough. I hated it. I have never felt
like this in my life before- ok, maybe I have but maybe this one is worse than
before. And so I don't want to be like this any more. I don't want to go to
school feeling weak and little. I don't want to be feeling insecure and have no
confidence at all.
I miss being the happy, smiley girl that
I was before. Ok maybe I wasn't all that "happy" and
"smiley" but I don't want to like, to be all sad everyday! I don't
want my happiness to depend on someone else. That sentence seem so wrong but oh
what the hell.
So here I go.
Don't judge. I need this badly LOL.
Alright Aida, let's settle this little
shit. Your days lately have been rough. You have been feeling down for almost
everyday (except for when you're with your family) and you've been treating
yourself like shit lately. What's the matter do? You're not eating at school,
you're not resting enough, you're lacking sleep, you're not socializing, you're
stressing yourself! For what? For some dude who doesn't accept you for who you
are?
He's having fun with his life and his
friends while you? You're suffering! That's not fair Da. What's the use of
retweeting and reblogging encouraging shit and tagging them #notetoself if
you're not gonna follow it? You need to think about your life choices Da
because right now, everything's a mess.
I know it's hard, because he's like one
of the nicest guys you've ever met. Yes, you feel guilty, but you can't treat
yourself like this. Look at what you've turned into! A mess. One big fucking mess.
It was easy for you to get over Fadhil and the rest but why is it so hard for
you to get over him?
Listen Da, no matter how nice he is
towards you, if he can't accept you for who you are, then that's just, messed
up. Tkkan la you nk cry a river and get all depressed over a guy yg tk accept
you for who you are?
You told your friends to not cry over a
guy. But what about you? Why are you not following your own advices? Kalau nk
nangis once, twice okay la. Ni nk nangis smpi tiga, empat kali, mmg tk la. Mana
your maruah?
You kept on saying that you wanted to be
a queen, to be a smart ass woman who people will respect. But you know what,
right now you're just one weak, depressing woman. Get back up on your feet
dammit.
"There's a good thing in every bad
thing" right? Trust yourself Aida. Trust your words. Trust Allah. Remember
when you make that solat hajat and you prayed for Allah to protect you from
doing any maksiat and zina? Who knows right now He's actually trying to protect
you. But you? Why are you not thankful?
Maybe Allah does this to you because He
wants you to constantly remember Him. Maybe Allah does this to you because He
wants you to keep on praying to Him. Maybe Allah does this to you because He
wants you to keep on talking to Him and keep on telling Him hoe you're feeling
and what hardships you're facing etc. There's a good
thing in every
bad thing. Trust Him. There's a reason to why He's giving you all
these hardships.
If he's good for you, then Allah won't
remove him from your life. Who knows it's because you deserve better.
Get back up on your feet honey. You're
beautiful. You're strong. You're confident! Believe in yourself Da. Because if
you don't, then who will? Change yourself. Change for the better. It's good now
that you go to tuition wearing tudung below your chest, and wearing socks. It's
good. Now how about you keep on doing that? Remember what Syaqila said?
"Setiap titik peluh perempuan nk tutup aurat, dpt pahala."
Don't waste your time thinking about
stuffs that will bring you down. Think about cats and Ddabong when he's
sleeping and the cat island in Japan lol no think about nice stuff la hahaha.
Sbb you know, if skrg ni, lelaki yg layan
you mcm tu je pun you dh depress smpi mcm ni, apatah lg dlm masa yg akan dtg
nnt. I'm quite sad you know bila you ambil test depression and anxiety tu and
nmpk semuanya mcm moderate, or high. Tknk la ckp yg you ni mmg ada depression
or anxiety but, it scares me. It scares me seeing myself sad all day long. It
scares me seeing myself not getting enough rest and sleep. Like last night. Tk
tahu la if you terbangun tu because Allah nk you bangun ke, or because you
memang takut ke (like bibik ckp) or what. Tp kan dlm test tu dia ada tanya if
you ada masalah going to sleep or staying asleep or if you tidur lebih kan?
Last night you bangun pukul 2 kot. That's bad. Thank God you dpt tidur dlm
pukul 4 mcm tu.
I don't want la myself to get worse day
by day. I want to see myself happy. I want to see myself enjoy my high school
era. Sbb yela, people keep on saying that bila you dh besar, time sekolah
menengah la time yg you paling rindu nnt. Tknk la you sorg je yg benci time
high school.
Jgn la Da sbb harships mcm ni you jd
teruk. Sbb nnt dlm masa yg akan dtg, byk lg tau masalah yg you akan hadapi. I
nk you jd strong.
Trust yourself okay? Have faith in
yourself. Believe in yourself that you are capable of achieving your goals and
solving your problems. Remember, do everything because of Allah. Niat tu kena
ada okay? Bila you nk berubah jd seorg wanita yg solehah, if kwn-kwn you tk
bagi you sokongan, jgn down. Senyum je. Sbb igt la, kita ni berubah utk siapa?
Utk kwn-kwn you ke, utk Allah?
Aida, rajin-rajin la ye kau ni igt dkt Allah.
Kau sekali excited lupa terus. Hahahahahahahaha. Kau ni dh la senang
terpengaruh dgn bisikan syaitan. Jgn hiraukan diorg. Tu kan mmg krja diorg nk
jatuhkan kau. Igt, semua ujian yg Allah bagi dkt kau, tu semua sbb nk test kau
punya iman. Kuat ke tk.
Sbb itu la, jgn mudah jatuh. If ujian dkt
dunia ni kau tk boleh handle, apatah lg ujian dlm kubur nnt, ujian dkt alam
Mahsyar nnt. Haih aku ni ckp byk je dkt kau skrg, tk tahu la nnt buat ke tk.
Rajin-rajin la ye Aida!
So Da, now you know what to do kan? Kau
redha je la ye dgn apa yg berlaku di antara kau dgn dia. Let bygones be bygones
okay? Don't mind Da, don't mind c:
Eh eh, terpanjang pula post ni. Well,
what to do? Hehe. Assalamualaikum.
xo
Labels: daily rant of wan aida, note to self
